Sep. 22nd, 2017 03:00 pm
kimberly_a: (depression)
[personal profile] kimberly_a
Feeling pretty deeply depressed, actually. I'm working so hard at doing all the things they taught me in Partial Hospitalization, using all the "coping skills," just trying and trying and trying ... and crying and crying and crying. I'm listening to these positivity meditations and doing breathing exercises and doing CBT exercises and making myself get off the couch and accomplish things instead of letting myself just turn inward and tune out. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing. Really. I'm trying so fucking hard. All day long. Nothing seems to help. I just want to lie down and wrap myself in a blanket and listen to something calming. Not have to face all the bright light and loud noise and pressing responsibility that is the real world.

But I should do laundry. And the dishes need some attention. And we need to get groceries tonight. And I need to file an insurance claim for Lucy's recent vet visit. And the case for my iPad is falling apart so I need to contact the company to complain before too much time passes and it isn't covered anymore. And my left foot has been hurting more and more for the past few months, so I need to go to the podiatrist, but the only appointment they had available was in Castro Valley, so I have to figure out how to get out there next week and in the meantime it hurts every time I walk (every single step) and most of the time when I don't. And I'm supposed to get together with a friend tomorrow when I don't really feel up to acting like a normal person and engaging in conversation and instead just want to hide my head and she lives 2 miles away and normally I would walk there and back and that will HURT. And this stupid Dreamwidth website still won't respond to any of my requests for help with some of the problems that occurred when I transferred my journal here from Evil LJ. And there are people I'm supposed to email and people I'm supposed to talk to and people I'm supposed to see and things I'm supposed to do and it's just ...

The whole world just feels like too much.

I just want to lie down and not have to think about anything. Nothing at all. Just ... absolute nothing. Just for a little while. Maybe for a day. Then I can start trying hard again. But right now trying so hard is just wearing me down into a nub of nothing.

Can it all just stop? Just ... stop?

Just ... stop?

I joined the Marines

Sep. 22nd, 2017 09:56 am
kimberly_a: (blue scratches)
[personal profile] kimberly_a
Last night I dreamt that I was a U.S. Marine, but I was really unhappy about it. I didn't want to be involved with any sort of situation relating to violence, and so I kept asking them how I could get out. They kept telling me that it was really simple, that I just had to go to this place or fill out this form or talk to this person or something ... but they never actually gave me the details and so kept sending me to do my job as a Marine. Nothing violent, just boring stuff.

But I kept asking, "What do I need to do to get out?" And they kept not giving me the specifics. So eventually I said, "My grandpa was a Marine!" And this was important because my grandpa was a terrible person: physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually abusive toward children. And so explaining that he had been a Marine was like giving my ultimate explanation for why I needed to get out NOW ... but still nobody helped me.

Other bad dreams last night. Lots of bad dreams lately. I haven't been doing well lately in general. I'm working on it, though.

More Links Than A Bag Of Sausages

Sep. 20th, 2017 03:03 am
petzipellepingo: (more links by eyesthatslay)
[personal profile] petzipellepingo
Chapter Three of Ship to Wreck by [personal profile] punch_kicker15.

[personal profile] dragonydreams asks if there is interest in a ficathon ?

lunes OR The State of Me, Post-Harvey

Sep. 19th, 2017 10:48 am
ahestele: (Default)
[personal profile] ahestele
Otherwise known as, Journaling For Therapy in 5 E-Z Steps. Really long. Scroll past if your own family drama is enough for you. )


Since The Email, I have been self-therapying with British police procedurals which, to be fair, I love anyhow. I've just been binging them and D has been watching with me. I have rated them in order of how much I want to visit the country they are set in which happens to be in keeping with how much I love them. I'm not including Broadchurch since my deep love for it goes without saying:

1. Shetland- I love this SO MUCH. The countryside looks so lush and green and I love Jimmy Perez and Tosh the best. I continue to be highly amused at his Spanish surname and how totally plausible it is because Spaniards are often blond and fair. I am a season behind because the new one isn't on Netflix until it is complete but I can't wait!

2. Wallander- HOW did I not know Fetus!Tom Hiddleston was on this?? HOW?? You are all FIRED! Also, I know this is based on the Swedish mystery series, ok? Kenneth Branagh is a Brit, as are all the cast. Everything is superb on this: acting, cinematography, writing. Branagh is so BROKEN in this, like, all the time, and all you want to do is give him soup and tell him to sleep.

3. Hinterland- Of all of them this is absolutely the darkest, both literally and symbolically. It pushes the gore factor considerably in crime scenes and gunshot scenes compared to the others. Very noir, but really well done, too. Another broken DCI with secrets and baggage skillfully performed by Richard Harrington, who played Captain Blamey on Poldark, where he looked 65 years old in his wig and uniform. Fantastic cast, all of them.

4. Midsomer Murders- This is the oldest series and it is A DELIGHT. We are only on the second season and enjoying it utterly. Much lighter fare and a breath of fresh air every time. It's also such fun to play spot-the actor. We've already seen a young Emily Mortimer and Elizabeth Spriggs of Sense and Sensibility and Harry Potter fame.


* D has been pre-diagnosed with gastroparesis, which basically means her stomach does not work right. We are seeing other specialists because her dr thinks there might be another condition also at play and wants to at least rule it out. It is such a relief to find a medical professional that listens and believes you, I can't tell you. Dr. Behazin in Houston and her staff are the BEST.

* I plan to visit my folks early next month because it has been way too long. My mom is not doing well being my dad's caretaker since she is not, and has never been, the best nurturing sort. Not being mean; she'd say the same. However, she is also 77 herself, so I know her health is not the best, either.

* I have not read anything in so long it is sad.

* Except for kid's graphic novels for my committee. My faves so far are

- Witch Boy by Molly Knox Ostertag
- Princess Princess Ever After by Katie 'Neill
- Fish Girl by David Wiesner and Donna Jo Napoli
- Super Narwhal and Jelly Jolt by Ben Clanton
- Real Frends by Shannon Hale

Okay, gente. I'ma go be productive.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Thanks for letting me use this as a space to process. It really does help. :-)
janedavitt: (starbyme)
[personal profile] janedavitt
I'd already part-edited Wild Raspberries so it didn't take too long to get it ready to post. The sequel Wintergreen will take a week or so to get ready.

When runaway Daniel Seaton inadvertently trespasses on Tyler Edward's land, Tyler nearly shoots him on sight.

Tyler's got a lot of years under his belt, and his past doesn't let him accept strangers easily. Dan's situation is dire enough that Tyler takes him home, at least for a little while, and that turns out to be a good decision when Tyler's injured and needs Dan's help.

Tyler's learning to trust, and Dan's settling in to a new life, but things aren't always what they seem. Between interfering friends, injuries, and their attraction to each other, Tyler and Dan have plenty of to deal with even before Tyler's previous career returns to haunt them. Can they overcome what lies in the past to have a future with each other?

Wild Raspberries at AO3

Hockey fic recs #19

Sep. 17th, 2017 08:35 pm
snickfic: black and white image of Sidney Crosby, text "Crosby" (sid)
[personal profile] snickfic
You guys, 19 fic recs posts is a lot of posts. This is actually the longest I've been in any one primary fandom. Three and a half years!!

Anyway, here is fic! A bunch of the fics in this list were ones I couldn't believe I hadn't recced before, like surely I had? But I hadn't?? But better late than never. And then there's some brand new stuff as well.

Pens fic )

Other team fic )

More Links Than A Bag Of Sausages

Sep. 17th, 2017 03:11 am
petzipellepingo: (more links by eyesthatslay)
[personal profile] petzipellepingo
Better Cover Up , Faith/Dawn by [personal profile] katleept.

The Holiday Punch , Giles/Buffy by [personal profile] littleotter73.

No Better Way to Spend an Evening , Anya/Darla by [profile] the_wiggins.

Hypable podcast talks Entropy & Double or Nothing .

BeepMePod podcast talks When She Was Bad.

Redemptioncast podcast talks Salvage & Release .

CBR asks "Where Are They Now?".

Hypable talks to JM about Seeing Red .

Free Book!

Sep. 16th, 2017 09:47 pm
janedavitt: (chainsbyme)
[personal profile] janedavitt
I got my Torquere books back and after reworking one to sell decided that I'd edit them to bring them in line with my current style (way less... and --) and offer them free as a thank you to all the kind readers out there.

The first of them, Drawing Closer, is also my first novel, published back in 2006. It's at AO3 and it's mild BDSM.

Charles is a professor, an expatriate Brit, and a man with a past. He's put that aside, living the peaceful life he thinks he needs. He figures he's happy.

Until he meets Gray Collins, that is. Persistent, stubborn, and hot, Gray turns Charles's world upside down and brings him a future he never expected, with links to a past he's tried to forget.

Drawing Closer

More Links Than A Bag Of Sausages

Sep. 14th, 2017 03:05 am
petzipellepingo: (more links by eyesthatslay)
[personal profile] petzipellepingo
Keeping Them Whole , Spike/Dawn, A Night to Remember , Gunn/Fred by [personal profile] katleept.

PopCultureRollCall podcast talks Lover's Walk.

Bufferingthevampireslayer podcast talks Dead's Man's Party.

(no subject)

Sep. 13th, 2017 10:21 pm
jerusha: (Default)
[personal profile] jerusha
I do have some thoughts on various things, but it's nearly bedtime, and I'm feeling lazy, so here: have a story about people being kind and good and wonderful.

More Links Than A Bag Of Sausages

Sep. 13th, 2017 03:03 am
petzipellepingo: (more links by eyesthatslay)
[personal profile] petzipellepingo
Saying Goodbye to a Friend , Spike/Buffy/Joyce

Mother-ish , Joyce/Willow/Tara by [personal profile] punch_kicker15.

TinyFences podcast talks Two to Go .
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